In Loving Memory

There were many sides to Cal.

Their parents, Vicky and Paul, their sister, Eleanor, and their wife, Imogen, are mourning the loss of Cal and their wicked wit, wise words, unbounded compassion, and all the moments when Cal’s joy radiated warmth to all those around them.

Their academic colleagues from the Oxford University’s MRC Brain Network and Dynamics Unit, Nuffield Department of Clinical Neuroscience - the laboratory where Cal was studying for a DPhil - are in shock at their death. As are Cal’s student friends from St John’s College, Oxford where they studied Psychology and Linguistics (PPL).  Their school friends from City of London School for girls will also be saddened by the news, as will other parents, teachers and fellow pupils at St Paul’s Cathedral school and The Montessori Nursery in Bethnal Green.

Cal’s fine mind brought them many exam successes throughout their education culminating in a Wellcome Trust Biomedical Vaccination Scholarship to study the interactions between working memory and attention.  It also brought acceptance onto the 1+3 MSc and DPhil in Neuroscience Programme, funded by the Department of Experimental Psychology where Cal gained their MSc. They were also offered a place on the British Neuroscience Association's (BNA) scholar's programme and bacame a member of the 2022 cohort.

Cal was diagnosed with Autism in 2018 which went alongside their embracing nonbinary status and coming out as transgender.

However, private mental health struggles were also a facet of Cal’s life.

Determined to help others, they volunteered for Oxford Nightline – an independent listening, support and information service run for and by students of Oxford Brookes University and the University of Oxford. More recently Cal also volunteered for The Samaritans night shifts on the phone aiding others in distress.

Determined to help themselves, Cal tried many activities. Kayaking with the Oxford Water Polo group, women’s football with fellow Johnians, coxing for a college Women’s eight, playing recorder with a recorder ensemble. At school Cal joined the Army Cadets group in the City of London whose highlight was forming the stair guard at St Paul’s Cathedral’s Remembrance Day service.

Above all Cal adored animals. There are so many pictures of Cal with the much-loved family pets. Sooty, Tonto, Tom, Socks, Neo, Belle, Molly and Maisie.

Many walked beside Cal during the years they privately struggled with their mental health. Imogen, Cal’s long term friend, then partner and, last year, wife never left their side. Cal met Immi at City of London School for Girls in 2006 and they married at St John’s College in June 2023. Now working for the NHS, Imogen tried to secure Cal the right treatment for this all too prevalent but not yet understood crisis of suicides amongst autistic people identifying as trans.

Eleanor, Cal’s devoted big sister, constantly searched for opportunities for fun times to boost Cal’s spirits.

Jeanette and Carolyne, their godmothers, offered sanctuary and support throughout Cal’s life.

Lily, Cal’s Maid of Honour/Best Girl, was also always there for Cal.

All Cal’s family and friends offered a constant web of love which sadly proved not to be enough.

Cal’s passing is a tragic loss to everyone who knew them. They had so much to offer, but the pain of their inner turmoil proved too great for them to bear.

Their final words left behind in a note addressed to everyone who loved them were “I love you and I know how loved I am. I am lucky to have so much love surrounding me.”

Please share your photos and reminiscences on this website.

Donations please to The Samaritans, and Gendered Intelligence.

Cal, we all loved you so much, and we miss you terribly.

« Tu n’es plus là où tu étais mais tu es partout là où je suis ». Victor Hugo.
“You are no longer where you were, but you are everywhere that I am”